BarelyRunning
This is just bosch new bosch regulator but see how tjere are ripples on the face at the end of the brushes there like that new and your brushes are the same. They should be smooth after wear 5000km I would assume these ripples would be gone.
If ypu spotlight are drawing 30amps is with 4 on + all the load of the car the Alternator migh be at its upper load but shouldn't melt the regulator unless the Alternator is glowing hot.
The regulator doesn't directly handle the Amperage of the Alternator so it shouldnt melt. The regulator is just switching low current on and off to the brushes which it turn is telling the Alternator to turn on and off to maintain the 14.5v nominal charge rate. Theres a few other things going on but this is just a simple explanation.
What brand and type of spotties like James said it fairly straight forward to work out whay they draw. And you should have the 2 pairs fused independently so 2x 20a fuses not 1x40A fuse. Eg 2 complete sets of spotlights just turned on by the same switch.