UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE! Put a battery in it, poured a bit of fresh oil in the cam cover to lube things up a bit, and cranked - it fired up in less than 10 seconds and no ugly noises from the engine. 2/3 tank of petrol - 10 years old???
Had to add a lot of trans fluid though - it appears the hard lines must have rubbed through down low near the exhaust and somebody has patched them with rubber hoses. Looks like over the years of sitting the trans fluid slowly weeped out there.
Brakes seem to work well (appears to have had a replacement master cylinder at some stage as the master is shiny and there's evidence of previous leaking below the booster causing some surface corrosion on the chassis rail.
There's a fairly major coolant leak coming from the top rear of the engine...pretty sure it's one of the heater hoses but needs further investigation.
Checked compression and 180+ psi on all cylinders so that's good. I put a set of plugs, plug wires, cap and rotor while I was at it.
Auto trans kickdown cable is sticking. I'm slowly working at lubing it. Have the same trouble with my 91 240 when I let it sit for a while.
Somebody come and save this car please! :)